While sitting here for the last 10 minutes staring at the screen tyring to come up with some clever and not so serious way to tell my about my day. So here it goes.......
Today is the day that we start our fertility drugs.......
I have never been so excited, emotional, scared, nervous, anxious, and hopeful all at the same time. About 3 years ago as we decided to start our family, I don't remember feeling the way I do today. Although we were wanting to get the same out come I wasn't thinking about the emotional part of being a mother, but more of fitting in with everyone else around me at BYU. I ws 21 and still very young, and wasn't really thinking long term, but more in the moment. As the first 6 months went by, and the a year, and then a year in a half went by with no baby, and no understanding of why, I found myself hating everyone, especially myself for not being able to do the one thing I am programmed to do.Having a baby. As time went on, I found myself starting to heal from the shame and hurt that I felt from not being able to do this "simple" task that I thought was an easy thing to do. Then we found some answers, natural answers, that seemed so simple to fix, and I felt relieved. So we tried again, and again, and again, with no results. I was 24 now, and felt like my plan of having my children before my thirties was being ruined, and felt myself getting angry again, but quickly reminded myself that "time heals all wounds", and I felt myself not feeling overwhelmed as much anymore, and felt my burdened being lifted.
At last I was referred to a fertility doctor, who ran some simple blood tests, and found that my body was not ovulating. My progesterone levels are suppossed to be between 10-15, and mine tested at .3. My doctor quickly said that it was an easy fix and called me in a perscription for Clomid. I was a little caught off guard by his confidence, and quickness of telling me in the next 3 months I should be pregnant. "Pregnant" was almost a foreign word to me know. But I trusted him, and with prayer and fasting we both felt that this was the way to get our baby,or babies as we are wishing and hoping for.
So today is the day we start, and I feel confident that it will work, but scared at the same time. But then elated that this is the time I will actually be getting pregnant. This is a for sure thing for us now, and I couldn't feel more grateful to my Heavenly Father for his strength and love that he has showed me in these past three years. I am a stronger person than I was three years ago, and feel more prepared to be a mother. I am also so grateful for all my friends and family who have supported us as well. You will never know how much strength you gave to us all of this time.
So baby please come to us, we have waited so long, and know that you are waiting just as much as we are. I am already in love with you, and know this is our time to be together. PLEASE get here as quickly as you can. We love you and can't wait to have you in our family.
Wow that was a little personal............and long
